I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
