with your own penis?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize