opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
