the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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