the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
