If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
