He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
