I bet he comes in French.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
