Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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