Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
