you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
