You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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