I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she pinky promised me she was 18
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
