did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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