UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
