those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
