If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
