Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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