i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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