Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
