Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you win again, gameday.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
