I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
