Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
