Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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