I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
