Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize