I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
