I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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