Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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