I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
