Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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