dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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