If i come over, it means nothing
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
