took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize