She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
