I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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