I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize