I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
