I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
