at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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