It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
