i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
