What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
