So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think my nap took me to another dimension
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
