i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
