So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
