i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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