just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
