I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Will exercising make me less horny?
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