shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
