Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
