I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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