Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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