im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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