i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
