We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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