$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize