Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
