You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize