even my farts smell like vagina
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
