I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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