Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize