Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
