were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Im part way to drunk.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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