I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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