i wish my penis had a tongue
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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