If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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