You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
