I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
